It's True What They Say...

Life isn't easy (neither is being a mother)...
     When I was in Jr. High and High School I dreamed about college, marriage, a family and how easy and wonderful it would always be. I figured in college I would finally have life-long friendships where we would always see each other even after we graduated (that didn't happen). I thought being a wife and doing ministry alongside my husband would be easy (it's not, but thankful for the moments I am able to serve with him). Being a mother of course would be easy (ok never really thought that one!). All of this to say, life isn't easy, it's actually been quite difficult for me lately because of feeling all my dreams have been swept out from under my feet. I thought for sure I'd be a Children's Minister, that hasn't panned out. Serving the past year and a half hasn't been easy with personal stuff going on, being pregnant, having a beautiful little baby, etc. I thought maybe teaching would be the road to take but that was a big "no". Honestly, I've just been so sad lately as to where I am. I want to stay home with Jude while he is little, but after that I feel like I have no direction... again life isn't easy, I know. I pray the desires God has given me will play out into something that I once again, fully love. I miss people, I miss genuine friendships, I miss serving, I miss walking with people and encouraging them; it's all definitely gotten more difficult after having Jude and feeling like I'm walking alone with him, not having a clue what I'm doing. (Side note: not talking about Sean, he is so incredibly wonderful, he knew more of what to do than I did the first couple of weeks, blew my mind!) I'm totally not trying to complain, just sharing my heart because I've kept it in way too long. All this to say life isn't easy, it was way easier as a kid (ha!)!

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33

Time goes by way too fast...
      Being a new mom I am being to fully understand how fast life goes by. Jude is already growing up way too fast, there are times when I look at him and I feel like I can tell what he will look like when he is a lot older. Time with Sean definitely goes by way too fast right now with him working two jobs, that brings it's own heartaches, but I am so thankful for his leadership in doing what he can to provide for us even if it's just enough to get by. I do hate, though, all he is missing with Jude, he does new things every day but I'm thankful for cameras and videos to record moments to share with Sean.
The other day I realized that I was a Freshman in college 7.5 years ago, it doesn't seem that long at all. I remember walking onto campus the first day so vividly, now I'm married and a mom! I can now begin to see how my parents have felt watching us grow up and begin our own families, can't blame them for tears! Learning to cherish every moment.

"What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes." James 4:14

You'll miss them when they're gone...
      I remember growing up my parents and my oldest brother always telling me to enjoy where I was in life because it all goes by so fast. Because I was a teenager of course I knew it all and they were wrong... Ok maybe not! I wanted out of Jr. High and High School right away, I almost graduated a year early, but instead decided to graduate a semester early from High School. I wanted to hurry and get to out of there and into college where friendships would last.  Well when I got to college I was in a hurry to get out of there too and graduated a year early. Thinking back on all the friendships I had back in those different periods of life I miss them dearly. I didn't take full advantage of them when I had them and now they are gone (at least distance-wise). Praise God for those handful of high school friendships He mended during college. I miss my family so much, even though we can sometimes have crazy moments with each other, I miss them now that I'm gone. I lost both of my grandfathers in a couple years of each other and miss them still; I so wish they could have seen me marry Sean and meet and hold Jude. I miss Sean so incredibly much when he is gone and don't feel like I take full advantage of those few hours we have together each week. I look at Jude and know I will miss him so much when he grows up and leaves our house... I mean I miss him when he goes to bed at night (ha!)! 


I hope and pray I can learn/listen to those who speak into me, unlike what I did when I was younger. I pray I seize every opportunity in my family/friendships that God blesses me with, because unfortunately people come and go (thankfully God is always there). I pray I would take full advantage of opportunities God gives me that coincide with my desires. 


If you are reading this and you have been a part of my life at all, please know I am sooo thankful for you and whatever time God as allowed me to share with you.