*Sorry, if this seems like a jumbled mess of thoughts, but it’s been on my heart all day and wanted to write it down! Hope it encourages someone!
Have you ever struggled with wondering if God ever speaks to you or ask Him time and time again to speak to you? I sure have/do. I have gone through many lonely seasons, even surrounded by people, wondering why God isn’t clarifying or speaking to me.
Being a parent I have been able to see God’s characteristics and experience Him in different ways that I never would have if I did not have children, and for this I am so thankful. I have two beautiful little boys, one of which is in his toddler years! Oh toddlerhood, it couldn’t come fast enough for our little, independent Jude. He has always admired older children and tries to mock anything anyone older than him does, I can already tell he wants to grow up quicker than I would like. He has such a fun and busy personality, a little energizer bunny. Needless-to-say cuddling moments are few and far between, so anytime he runs up to hug or kiss me or to sit in my lap I embrace them! When he is tired he really gets going, sometimes too much and he will run into something and also uses this time to test me (shocking a toddler testing their momma)!
Tonight I was trying to get his diaper changed and his pajamas on, so I am calling him, and calling him, and calling him. He is in my line of sight and just looks back at me, gives me that little smirk (which is sometimes hard to be serious with but I get through it), turns and walks the other way. So I call a couple more times, when finally he turns and comes to his room. In that moment I am thinking, son would you just listen to me because clearly you hear me, just listen, I am trying to help you, take care of you, please just listen to me and obey me.
In an instance God spoke to me, through this sweet 17 month old little boy. So many times I ask God to speak to me, or wonder if He hears me...
Ever had a newborn/toddler who is kind of wondering if you hear them, you don’t get to them on their time table so they get louder and louder? Well I have one of each right now, and it’s a beautiful noise when they think they need me at the same time! *Sarcasm* But in those moments they are probably, in a way, wondering, “Mommy, do you hear me?” Of course I hear them, how could I not hear them! Jude loves to eat, I mean he loves to eat (he even eats brussels sprouts!), so when it comes time to eat if food isn’t there he gets louder and louder wondering if I will ever feed him again (even though I just fed him a snack two hours ago, sometimes ten minutes ago)! What he doesn’t know is I am at the stove cooking his dinner, putting it on his plate, getting it all together for him to eat, beyond satisfaction!
....insert lightbulb moment... It is kind of like God is asking me, “Kayla, why would you ever question if I hear you? Of course I hear you, I love you, I’ve already answered your needs, you just don’t see everything right in front of you yet, but don’t worry I have it all covered because I care for you, I love you. So why would you question if I ever speak to you?” Seriously, that totally grips my heart, why would I question anything about God’s promises?
The question isn’t does God speak, the question is (and some of us have heard this before) do you listen? Do you really listen and then follow in obedience? Or do you still have to mindset of a toddler and hear what you want to hear and continue in your own direction?
Tuesday, April 8, 2014
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
It's True What They Say...
Life isn't easy (neither is being a mother)...
When I was in Jr. High and High School I dreamed about college, marriage, a family and how easy and wonderful it would always be. I figured in college I would finally have life-long friendships where we would always see each other even after we graduated (that didn't happen). I thought being a wife and doing ministry alongside my husband would be easy (it's not, but thankful for the moments I am able to serve with him). Being a mother of course would be easy (ok never really thought that one!). All of this to say, life isn't easy, it's actually been quite difficult for me lately because of feeling all my dreams have been swept out from under my feet. I thought for sure I'd be a Children's Minister, that hasn't panned out. Serving the past year and a half hasn't been easy with personal stuff going on, being pregnant, having a beautiful little baby, etc. I thought maybe teaching would be the road to take but that was a big "no". Honestly, I've just been so sad lately as to where I am. I want to stay home with Jude while he is little, but after that I feel like I have no direction... again life isn't easy, I know. I pray the desires God has given me will play out into something that I once again, fully love. I miss people, I miss genuine friendships, I miss serving, I miss walking with people and encouraging them; it's all definitely gotten more difficult after having Jude and feeling like I'm walking alone with him, not having a clue what I'm doing. (Side note: not talking about Sean, he is so incredibly wonderful, he knew more of what to do than I did the first couple of weeks, blew my mind!) I'm totally not trying to complain, just sharing my heart because I've kept it in way too long. All this to say life isn't easy, it was way easier as a kid (ha!)!
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33
Time goes by way too fast...
Being a new mom I am being to fully understand how fast life goes by. Jude is already growing up way too fast, there are times when I look at him and I feel like I can tell what he will look like when he is a lot older. Time with Sean definitely goes by way too fast right now with him working two jobs, that brings it's own heartaches, but I am so thankful for his leadership in doing what he can to provide for us even if it's just enough to get by. I do hate, though, all he is missing with Jude, he does new things every day but I'm thankful for cameras and videos to record moments to share with Sean.
The other day I realized that I was a Freshman in college 7.5 years ago, it doesn't seem that long at all. I remember walking onto campus the first day so vividly, now I'm married and a mom! I can now begin to see how my parents have felt watching us grow up and begin our own families, can't blame them for tears! Learning to cherish every moment.
"What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes." James 4:14
You'll miss them when they're gone...
I remember growing up my parents and my oldest brother always telling me to enjoy where I was in life because it all goes by so fast. Because I was a teenager of course I knew it all and they were wrong... Ok maybe not! I wanted out of Jr. High and High School right away, I almost graduated a year early, but instead decided to graduate a semester early from High School. I wanted to hurry and get to out of there and into college where friendships would last. Well when I got to college I was in a hurry to get out of there too and graduated a year early. Thinking back on all the friendships I had back in those different periods of life I miss them dearly. I didn't take full advantage of them when I had them and now they are gone (at least distance-wise). Praise God for those handful of high school friendships He mended during college. I miss my family so much, even though we can sometimes have crazy moments with each other, I miss them now that I'm gone. I lost both of my grandfathers in a couple years of each other and miss them still; I so wish they could have seen me marry Sean and meet and hold Jude. I miss Sean so incredibly much when he is gone and don't feel like I take full advantage of those few hours we have together each week. I look at Jude and know I will miss him so much when he grows up and leaves our house... I mean I miss him when he goes to bed at night (ha!)!
I hope and pray I can learn/listen to those who speak into me, unlike what I did when I was younger. I pray I seize every opportunity in my family/friendships that God blesses me with, because unfortunately people come and go (thankfully God is always there). I pray I would take full advantage of opportunities God gives me that coincide with my desires.
If you are reading this and you have been a part of my life at all, please know I am sooo thankful for you and whatever time God as allowed me to share with you.
When I was in Jr. High and High School I dreamed about college, marriage, a family and how easy and wonderful it would always be. I figured in college I would finally have life-long friendships where we would always see each other even after we graduated (that didn't happen). I thought being a wife and doing ministry alongside my husband would be easy (it's not, but thankful for the moments I am able to serve with him). Being a mother of course would be easy (ok never really thought that one!). All of this to say, life isn't easy, it's actually been quite difficult for me lately because of feeling all my dreams have been swept out from under my feet. I thought for sure I'd be a Children's Minister, that hasn't panned out. Serving the past year and a half hasn't been easy with personal stuff going on, being pregnant, having a beautiful little baby, etc. I thought maybe teaching would be the road to take but that was a big "no". Honestly, I've just been so sad lately as to where I am. I want to stay home with Jude while he is little, but after that I feel like I have no direction... again life isn't easy, I know. I pray the desires God has given me will play out into something that I once again, fully love. I miss people, I miss genuine friendships, I miss serving, I miss walking with people and encouraging them; it's all definitely gotten more difficult after having Jude and feeling like I'm walking alone with him, not having a clue what I'm doing. (Side note: not talking about Sean, he is so incredibly wonderful, he knew more of what to do than I did the first couple of weeks, blew my mind!) I'm totally not trying to complain, just sharing my heart because I've kept it in way too long. All this to say life isn't easy, it was way easier as a kid (ha!)!
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33
Time goes by way too fast...
Being a new mom I am being to fully understand how fast life goes by. Jude is already growing up way too fast, there are times when I look at him and I feel like I can tell what he will look like when he is a lot older. Time with Sean definitely goes by way too fast right now with him working two jobs, that brings it's own heartaches, but I am so thankful for his leadership in doing what he can to provide for us even if it's just enough to get by. I do hate, though, all he is missing with Jude, he does new things every day but I'm thankful for cameras and videos to record moments to share with Sean.
The other day I realized that I was a Freshman in college 7.5 years ago, it doesn't seem that long at all. I remember walking onto campus the first day so vividly, now I'm married and a mom! I can now begin to see how my parents have felt watching us grow up and begin our own families, can't blame them for tears! Learning to cherish every moment.
"What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes." James 4:14
You'll miss them when they're gone...
I remember growing up my parents and my oldest brother always telling me to enjoy where I was in life because it all goes by so fast. Because I was a teenager of course I knew it all and they were wrong... Ok maybe not! I wanted out of Jr. High and High School right away, I almost graduated a year early, but instead decided to graduate a semester early from High School. I wanted to hurry and get to out of there and into college where friendships would last. Well when I got to college I was in a hurry to get out of there too and graduated a year early. Thinking back on all the friendships I had back in those different periods of life I miss them dearly. I didn't take full advantage of them when I had them and now they are gone (at least distance-wise). Praise God for those handful of high school friendships He mended during college. I miss my family so much, even though we can sometimes have crazy moments with each other, I miss them now that I'm gone. I lost both of my grandfathers in a couple years of each other and miss them still; I so wish they could have seen me marry Sean and meet and hold Jude. I miss Sean so incredibly much when he is gone and don't feel like I take full advantage of those few hours we have together each week. I look at Jude and know I will miss him so much when he grows up and leaves our house... I mean I miss him when he goes to bed at night (ha!)!
I hope and pray I can learn/listen to those who speak into me, unlike what I did when I was younger. I pray I seize every opportunity in my family/friendships that God blesses me with, because unfortunately people come and go (thankfully God is always there). I pray I would take full advantage of opportunities God gives me that coincide with my desires.
If you are reading this and you have been a part of my life at all, please know I am sooo thankful for you and whatever time God as allowed me to share with you.
Thursday, June 14, 2012
20+ Weeks
I am now a little over 20 weeks pregnant and it's going by so fast! Jude Bryce will be here around Oct. 31st if he stays on track like he is! I started feeling him move a whole lot last week, it is so surreal. We had an appt. yesterday and the biggest measurement they took was of
his stomach (weird), so pray for Sean because if Jude ends up weighing as much,
or more, as Sean did when he was born Sean may feel my wrath in the delivery
room, ha!
A lot of people keep asking me if I have any weird cravings or aversion and so far nothing. Although I do like to eat pickles, that has not changed from before it is now an excuse for people to not look at me weird when I want a lot! The only aversions I had were in my first trimester and it was really an aversion to Chili's. But I can say I ate there with a friend this week and I was just fine!
I am so thankful for the friends in my life who are either experts at child birth/motherhood or experiencing for the first time this year! Special thanks to Lauren who I feel like is my on call nurse when I have any questions.
I am so excited for the future of our family and a very nervous as well. So if you're reading this please pray that God would answer/provide for concerns that Sean and I have regarding what to do after Jude arrives and how to make this all work financially. We are thankful for God's provision thus far and we know He will continue to do so, it's just hard some times to release control of the situation when numbers don't add up. Thanks to everyone who checks up on me and has been encouraging me along the way, you will never know how much it means to me. There is a reason why we are told through scripture that we should encourage and build one another up!
Jude at 16 weeks, he didn't really cooperate at our 20 week appt. for any good pics! But you can already tell he's got a big tummy haha!
A lot of people keep asking me if I have any weird cravings or aversion and so far nothing. Although I do like to eat pickles, that has not changed from before it is now an excuse for people to not look at me weird when I want a lot! The only aversions I had were in my first trimester and it was really an aversion to Chili's. But I can say I ate there with a friend this week and I was just fine!
I am so thankful for the friends in my life who are either experts at child birth/motherhood or experiencing for the first time this year! Special thanks to Lauren who I feel like is my on call nurse when I have any questions.
I am so excited for the future of our family and a very nervous as well. So if you're reading this please pray that God would answer/provide for concerns that Sean and I have regarding what to do after Jude arrives and how to make this all work financially. We are thankful for God's provision thus far and we know He will continue to do so, it's just hard some times to release control of the situation when numbers don't add up. Thanks to everyone who checks up on me and has been encouraging me along the way, you will never know how much it means to me. There is a reason why we are told through scripture that we should encourage and build one another up!
Thursday, March 29, 2012
And Then There Were...
So if you read my last post you know that we just moved into our house at the end of February, February 27th to be exact. Our house has this beautiful room with bay windows, it is so pretty. If I ever figure out how to upload pictures to this I will post pictures of it. When we looked at the home Sean quickly dubbed it as his office/music room, others were quick to say it will be a baby's room for when we have children.
So Monday as we are bringing in boxes (ok everyone but me brought in boxes) I would hear, "put it in the baby room", again we have already determined this is Sean's office/music room. As I hear that being said I kind of smile and laugh and say you know with all this talk about it we are probably going to find out that we are pregnant.
Wednesday, February 29th, I am having lunch with a friend, Amanda, at Chili's (a weekly ritual) and I told her I thought I would take a pregnancy test. Now one thing to know about me, I am super paranoid and take lots of pregnancy tests! So Amanda gets all giddy and I tell her I think I'm just gonna wait because I do this all the time. She ends up convincing me to go buy one on my lunch break and let her know immediately ha! So instead I tell her to go across the street with me to Wal-Mart, classy I know. So we go over and get one, and head to the bathroom...sure enough, I'm pregnant!!! I couldn't believe it so I took another when I got home and then another a couple days later. After three positives I decided to believe it was true, ha!
Yesterday, March 28th, was our first appt. We were able to see the baby's heartbeat which as really cool, the baby was hanging out upside down and cracked me up! The Dr. gave us great news saying that it is measuring properly and so far everything looks great. Our due date is expected around Oct. 31st. Sean is adorable (he will hate me for saying adorable!), he is so excited to be a Dad, I love it! I did find out from the Dr. though, during my appt., that I have a heart murmur; so I will be going in for an EKG sometime. Called my mom to find out that my pediatrician said I had a murmur when I was a baby, 25 years later I know ha! So just pray that it's nothing!
Now then, a lot of people have been thinking that this wasn't planned or it was an "oops", I will assure that is not the case. No baby is an accident, it is by God's grace and plan to provide us with such blessings. We knew we wanted a family, and I decided a long time ago I did not want to start having children when I was in my 30's, I wanted to start earlier. So Sean and I prayed that if God wanted to provided us with a child, He would do so, and we know He will provided and care for all of us. Remember from my last post that my prayer for this year is for the Lord to bless us, this is just another answer to that prayer!
If I ever learn how to upload pics on this thing I'll provide a pic of the sonogram!
So Monday as we are bringing in boxes (ok everyone but me brought in boxes) I would hear, "put it in the baby room", again we have already determined this is Sean's office/music room. As I hear that being said I kind of smile and laugh and say you know with all this talk about it we are probably going to find out that we are pregnant.
Wednesday, February 29th, I am having lunch with a friend, Amanda, at Chili's (a weekly ritual) and I told her I thought I would take a pregnancy test. Now one thing to know about me, I am super paranoid and take lots of pregnancy tests! So Amanda gets all giddy and I tell her I think I'm just gonna wait because I do this all the time. She ends up convincing me to go buy one on my lunch break and let her know immediately ha! So instead I tell her to go across the street with me to Wal-Mart, classy I know. So we go over and get one, and head to the bathroom...sure enough, I'm pregnant!!! I couldn't believe it so I took another when I got home and then another a couple days later. After three positives I decided to believe it was true, ha!
Yesterday, March 28th, was our first appt. We were able to see the baby's heartbeat which as really cool, the baby was hanging out upside down and cracked me up! The Dr. gave us great news saying that it is measuring properly and so far everything looks great. Our due date is expected around Oct. 31st. Sean is adorable (he will hate me for saying adorable!), he is so excited to be a Dad, I love it! I did find out from the Dr. though, during my appt., that I have a heart murmur; so I will be going in for an EKG sometime. Called my mom to find out that my pediatrician said I had a murmur when I was a baby, 25 years later I know ha! So just pray that it's nothing!
Now then, a lot of people have been thinking that this wasn't planned or it was an "oops", I will assure that is not the case. No baby is an accident, it is by God's grace and plan to provide us with such blessings. We knew we wanted a family, and I decided a long time ago I did not want to start having children when I was in my 30's, I wanted to start earlier. So Sean and I prayed that if God wanted to provided us with a child, He would do so, and we know He will provided and care for all of us. Remember from my last post that my prayer for this year is for the Lord to bless us, this is just another answer to that prayer!
If I ever learn how to upload pics on this thing I'll provide a pic of the sonogram!
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Growing Up and Moving On
It is only March and this year has been a crazy but wonderful year already!
In January I made this my prayer for the year: That the Lord would pour blessings upon Sean and I in 2012.
Fast-forward a few weeks... Sean and I spent one Saturday looking at houses, not really expecting anything to come up that we liked in our price range, but sure enough we found something. We signed the contract the next day.
The following day our world got rocked when we needed to really pray about some situations and where God is calling us. We took a weekend and spent time together in prayer, Scripture and reading a book called, "The Circle Maker" by Mark Batterson. (I highly recommended it). God showed us that he is not through with us where we are at and gave us great clarity. So on we went with purchasing our first home!
The process of buying this home seemed way too good to be true, and sure enough... it became a pain! Two weeks after we were told we would be in the house we still weren't. When we went to sign everything it did not go as well planned as we had hoped, but finally by the end of February we were in our house! But of course stuff has to continue to go wrong right? A week after we were moved in we had to take Paisley (our Australian Shepherd) to the vet because she sounded like she could not catch her breath at night. Sean went to pick her up while I was at home cooking dinner. I went to clean some dishes but when I turned the faucet on, nothing came out! Now before you start thinking we did not take care of things in order to have water, let me assure you Sean did this. But when they came out that day to switch it over from the builder's name to ours they found a leak and could not switch it over, so they turned off our water instead. So Sean comes home, (finally from the Vet; none of Sean's Debit/Credit cards work due to his wallet, so he got stuck there for awhile trying to pay... this is important to know because he is not too happy and is coming to a house without water!) he goes outside and turns our water on! I was so proud and I am sure he felt super manly by being able to take care of his wife like that!
We are a year and a couple of months into our marriage and it has been a crazy, wonderful journey so far. God is teaching us so many things and has truly already blessed us beyond what any one can imagine so far this year... and I know there is more to come! ;)
In January I made this my prayer for the year: That the Lord would pour blessings upon Sean and I in 2012.
Fast-forward a few weeks... Sean and I spent one Saturday looking at houses, not really expecting anything to come up that we liked in our price range, but sure enough we found something. We signed the contract the next day.
The following day our world got rocked when we needed to really pray about some situations and where God is calling us. We took a weekend and spent time together in prayer, Scripture and reading a book called, "The Circle Maker" by Mark Batterson. (I highly recommended it). God showed us that he is not through with us where we are at and gave us great clarity. So on we went with purchasing our first home!
The process of buying this home seemed way too good to be true, and sure enough... it became a pain! Two weeks after we were told we would be in the house we still weren't. When we went to sign everything it did not go as well planned as we had hoped, but finally by the end of February we were in our house! But of course stuff has to continue to go wrong right? A week after we were moved in we had to take Paisley (our Australian Shepherd) to the vet because she sounded like she could not catch her breath at night. Sean went to pick her up while I was at home cooking dinner. I went to clean some dishes but when I turned the faucet on, nothing came out! Now before you start thinking we did not take care of things in order to have water, let me assure you Sean did this. But when they came out that day to switch it over from the builder's name to ours they found a leak and could not switch it over, so they turned off our water instead. So Sean comes home, (finally from the Vet; none of Sean's Debit/Credit cards work due to his wallet, so he got stuck there for awhile trying to pay... this is important to know because he is not too happy and is coming to a house without water!) he goes outside and turns our water on! I was so proud and I am sure he felt super manly by being able to take care of his wife like that!
We are a year and a couple of months into our marriage and it has been a crazy, wonderful journey so far. God is teaching us so many things and has truly already blessed us beyond what any one can imagine so far this year... and I know there is more to come! ;)
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